Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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