We need to rekindle our bromance
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
