do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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