You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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