Someone shit on the floor
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
