so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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