Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
