he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
