I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
