It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
