yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
