Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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