It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
