Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize