Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
