if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
