Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
