some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
