You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
