Already got asked if we're dating
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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