I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
