I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i came on her dog
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
