I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
