**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
