i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize