also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
