letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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