Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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