Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's shark week go big or go home
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
