Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
