You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
