You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
