she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
