my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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