I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize