I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
