white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
