I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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