i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
