i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
