i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
