her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize