Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
