i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
