At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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