my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
