Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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