Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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