My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
