I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
