____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
