oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Non-Jews are for practice
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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