omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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