I could make wine with my vomit
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
