Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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