Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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