unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
