i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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