her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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