I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
