and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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