wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you would pick up someone in the library
Too much gin, very little bucket
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
