Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
