Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
