ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
