I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
only you would photoshop your dick
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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