I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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